Last year, I shared with all of you what I’d wanted or expected during past Christmases. Or I thought I did because I can’t seem to find that blog posting in which I wrote about growing up poor and wanting a pink bathrobe as a Christmas present. And as I grew older, I wanted a boyfriend during Christmas.
That posting or draft was a cathartic writing experience for me. It helped me let go of childish expectations.
This Christmas, I was depressed because I didn’t feel up to dragging out all of the Christmas lights and decorations. It was only after admitting that, that I saw the real problem. I was depressed because I didn’t feel like living up to someone else’s expectations.
I am/was just fine not decorating my house this year. I am just fine doing what I want (just this once) binging on murder mysteries, Dr. Phil, a simple dinner, and Watermelon Smirnoff Vodka and Sprite. What would have made it absolutely perfect, was if the Idris Elba’s and Kate Winslet’s new movie, A Mountain Between Us, would have been available to rent instead of purchase only. I like that idea of being snowed in without the freezing part.
Extra Note: I’ve been watching the Dr. Phil’s, Husband Bootcamp shows, this morning. One of the things that I always wanted, before I got some sense, was a boyfriend for Christmas. But about three years ago, that changed. I actually put a little of that life changing experience in my book, Thou Shalt Eat Dust.
In the book, one of the guys says to Carolyn, “I don’t even like fat on my meat. What make you think I’d like you.” At the time, I thought that was mean-spirited. But actually, he spoke his truth. And I had to learn to accept and respect that.
However, now that I have a little smidgen of fame and money, that same gentlemen has suddenly developed a liking for fat chicks. I have not been able to accept that he’s changed, with regards to that. I was fat then. I’m fat now. And at my present age, I have accepted that even though I exercise and don’t eat enormous amounts of food, I will always be fat. I accept that. I don’t date men who don’t.
This morning, I watched two hours of women going through all sorts of angst trying to deal with men that they married who went against the grain of who they are. Why on earth would you willing put yourself through all of that? Find a man who has the same values as you. Or learn to live happily single. That’s better than being married and miserable.
Don’t marry men or even waste time dating men who don’t respect who you are!
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